If you want to install by pointing and clicking, Every String Is Terrible is now available on the Steam Workshop!
Inspired by Namaztak's Worse Item Descriptions, yuunohu's The Voice of God, and to a lesser extent, pm2k's the binning off isek: aferberts;
Every String Is Terrible!
Like The Voice of God this was made primarily for my friends' amusement, but I got the idea in my head that it might actually be worth a full mod submission. This completely original mod changes a bunch of text in the game into stupid jokes.
Item and trinket descriptions (but not names) have been changed, as well as card/rune descriptions and pill names (though pill names still reflect what they do, for pragmatism's sake). Curses now have a bit more cursing, the Rules Card is actually sort of useful, and not even floors have escaped Notepad++ (new Cathedral is the mod picture).
I also did something else dumb with the fortunes. Go find a Fortune Teller and drop a few coins in (or, if you're lazy, read fortunes.txt). You'll be surprised. Or disappointed.
EXTRA INSTRUCTIONS: There are three folders contained in the mod's download - "Rebirth Version", "Afterbirth Version", and "Afterbirth+ Version", corresponding to the files for those DLCs. Double-click into them and you'll see the actual files you can extract. Extracting the folder itself won't work. The Afterbirth+ Version has extra instructions that need to be followed so it will work; this will show up in its folder as a text file named "VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ".
If this has confused you, a file is included with the download named "if confused read this" which might explain things better.
If I accidentally stole a joke from someone else, sorry in advance. If you don't want me to use it then just let me know which one it is and I'll replace it.
Special thanks to my friends Andre and Max for giving me a few ideas when I decided to submit this as a mod. Special thanks also goes to my other friend Max for helping me out with a bunch of the Afterbirth+ items.
Have fun!
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- It took a bit to do, but a while after Booster Pack 1, ESIT is back!
- Sorry it took so long, but getting it out for AB+ burned me out on it and only recently did I work up the nerve to update it.
- All items from Afterbirth+ Booster Pack 1 have been added! The rest of the changelog is below;
- Changed Adrenaline's joke now that it's named Adrenaline and not Adderline
- Changed a word in Delirious's description
- Changed the name of the Speed Up, Gulp!, and Vurp! pills
- Made another Rule a bit clearer
- Bomb Bag's description tweaked a bit
- Beat Meat!'s joke to death (or completion, whatever you find funnier)
- Tech.5 has an actual joke and isn't just meta commentary
- Unicorn Stump is now less topical
- We know why Sagittarius hasn't been posting so much art
- Torn Photo's description changed a bit
- Pupula Duplex gets its point across in less words
- REBIRTH ONLY: Changed the descriptions of Spider Butt and Mom's Contact, because Bursting Sack and Evil Eye don't exist in Rebirth
- Readded Afterbirth+ content.
- Again, I am sorry for blitzing your inbox with updates, but after a bit of scouring I figured out a way to get the Afterbirth+ portion of the mod to work.
- It is somewhat complex and tedious to do, so if you don't want to do it, it will release on Steam Workshop as soon as I can figure out the mod uploader.
- Please see Version 2.0 for the actual changelog. Again, apologies for the constant updates, and enjoy ESIT!
- Removed the Afterbirth+ content.
- Unfortunately, something unexpected happened; the AB+ version of the mod didn't work! The string changes would not show up when the .xml and .txt files were placed into resources.
- I sincerely apologize for jumping the gun and getting your hopes up in regards to the release. ESIT for Afterbirth+ is still coming and the content is 100% written; I'll just need to figure out a way for it to work from here, if there is one.
- The changes to Rebirth/Afterbirth items, however, still persist.
- After a few days of work and the release of Pink Season, the mod nobody asked for just upgraded! Every String is Terrible now fully supports the Afterbirth+ DLC!
- All Afterbirth+ items, trinkets, cards, runes, pills, and floors now have debatably funnier but objectively stupider names, for optimum player enjoyment/frustration!
- Anything added by booster packs will also be supported!
- ESIT will eventually release on the Steam Workshop, once I figure out how the mod uploader works.
- New screenshots will appear on January 10th.
- There have also been a few changes to items already in the game, so here's the full changelog;
- Skeleton Key has a brand-new joke
- Rotten Meat and Kamikaze got minor punctuation changes
- Shoop da Whoop!'s description has had one word switched out
- Technology has a new joke that's actually a joke
- Toothpicks has punctuation now
- The D10's description more accurately reflects what it rerolls
- Betrayal's reference is a little more accurate
- GB Bug's description is now a little more direct
- Lucky Rock had a space that didn't need to be there; it has been excised
- I accidentally wrote down two of the same fortune; the duplicate has been overwritten
- REBIRTH ONLY: Match Stick has a new joke, because it can't remove The Tick in Rebirth
- AFTERBIRTH+ NOTE: Death's Touch, Peeper, and Pay To Play have new descriptions. The old ones have been shifted to three AB+ items that they better fit
- Happy New Year! With 2017 comes even more perfectionist tweaks!
- ESIT for Afterbirth+ will happen, and will support all items/trinkets/etc added via "booster packs"! It might take a while, it might not. Just be patient. :>
- Full tweaks below;
- Forgot to mention this in 1.3; Bible Tract was changed back into a joke.
- Also forgotten in 1.3; Curse of the Maze has a new name. Sorry for forgetting about these!
- Number One has now exchanged a perfectly good joke for a topical meme nobody asked for.
- Dead Cat doesn't refer to the meta any more, and actually has something vaguely resembling a joke behind it.
- The Health Down and Health Up pills have new, contradictory names!
- The Full Health pill is now creatively named/a reference!
- You can now drift using Glowing Hourglass. (Disclaimer: Do not actually try to drift using Glowing Hourglass.)
- In the interest of redundancy, avoiding confusion, and allowing as many people as possible to enjoy the mod with minimum hiccups, a small readme note has been added for those who may be confused about how to install this. Happy crying on poop!
- Once a month, the ESIT fairy drops a few improved lines of code!
- Judging by how nobody's been complaining about the Rebirth version, I'm guessing it's working okay.
- This is mostly just more joke fixes, since I'm a perfectionist. Nothing major here. ACTUAL CHANGELOG BELOW;
- Tammy's Head has now of best grammar !
- Guillotine's become even more memey. YUH!
- Whore of BabylonWhore of Babylon's name has been chopped neatly in half. I'm not sure how I managed to duplicate the name, but you won't be seeing *that* problem any more.
- Head of Krampus has a new joke. I was originally going to change it for Rebirth only, but I think this one works better.
- AFTERBIRTH ONLY; Made the names for Explosive Diarrhea and Re-Lax wittier. This won't be carrying over to Rebirth, because Re-Lax doesn't exist as a pill there and the joke needs both of them. Apologies!
- REBIRTH ONLY; Adjusted the Boss Rush rule so it doesn't refer to Hush, who doesn't exist in Rebirth.
- REBIRTH ONLY; Changed Ehwaz's joke, because Rebirth doesn't have daily runs. It's a process.
- BETA VERSION! For those of you with Afterbirth, this won't affect you.
- Don't have the dosh to be afterborn? Don't worry - ESIT now supports the original Rebirth!
- There may be problems with playing the game, as I'm not sure I was able to edit stages.xml right, and I can't find any Rebirth-era copies of the file to edit. Rebirth players; PLEASE inform me of any issues that appear so I can correct them. And if anyone's willing to run Rick's Unpacker on their copy of rebirth.a and hand me a Rebirth copy of stages.xml, I would greatly appreciate that (and credit you :>)!
- Also; I thought of an actual reference for Lucky Rock.
- What can I say? I'm a perfectionist.
- ESIT is going to be staying as a 7zip archive for the future. I don't see this causing any issues, but sorry if it does!
- New images have been uploaded as of November 2nd!
- Everything else is minor joke fixes. FULL CHANGELOG BELOW;
- Store Credit's been changed. Don't worry, man, it's free.
- Apparently Lil' Chest gives you trinkets too, so that one had to be rethought a bit
- There's now a few secrets in the fortunes. Find them, I dare you (without looking at fortunes.txt you scrub)
- Dead Eye is now a joke based on a Judeo-Christian holiday. Apologies to those who might be easily offended.
- Tiny Planet now rags on our solar system's saddest member
- Brown Cap raises a few questions about how it got brown
- Bible Tract now respects the loss of a man who made crazy comics
- Jar of Flies and Liberty Cap have minor punctuation changes
- Very small wording change to one of the Rules
- Just because this is a dumb joke mod doesn't mean that I shouldn't make it the best it can be!
- Modding of Isaac didn't wanna play nice, so Every String Is Terrible is now a 7zip archive. If anyone experiences any issues please leave them in the comments and I'll see what I can do to get it back to .zip.
- Everything else is mostly just joke fixes and some quality-of-life changes, but for those of you who want to know in detail, ACTUAL CHANGELOG BELOW;
- Changed Box into a double entendre (but maybe not the one you're expecting)
- Tweaked Speed Ball very slightly by removing one word, for a more accurate reference
- Made Holy Water actually witty
- Swapped Samson's Lock/Red Patch descriptions to match descriptions of Lusty Blood/Bloody Lust, because what we want in these humor mods is CONSISTENCY
- Mom's Lipstick was worded awkwardly; that has been fixed
- Made Unicorn Stump funnier [citation needed]
- Changed the joke for Taurus, which was probably a bullshit move
- Fiddled with punctuation for No. 2, but who gives a shit
- Came up with a better joke for Crack the Sky
- Changed Womb and Scarred Womb names to something that rolls a little easier off the tongue
- Curse of the Maze is a two-fer; it both fits in its box *and* is funnier!
- Adjusted the Rules to fit in their boxes, and to be a little more helpful
- I didn't think Continuum was funny enough (or at all), so now it's a programming joke
- Stared at Guppy's Head and Lil' Larva for a bit too long, and decided that more pill references was a good idea
- Mitre's joke is now a reference instead of just "POPEHAT YAY :D"
My apologies, I may not have been clear enough. I'll add that advice to the infobox. Enjoy the memes, friend! :>
Heart the mod, I'll include a Rebirth variant next update.
Enjoy the Rebirth version! And if you have any issues, please let me know, I kinda frankensteined items, pocketitems, and stages together so there might be issues relating to those.
Protocol Violated.
Cobrastan is not a real country.
PENALTY ASSESSED - 10 CREDITS
(It's actually funny. It really is.)
(thanks for the feedback, friend :>)
Do you have any other mods installed? If so, have they previously caused issues? Does your game regularly crash for no reason? Did you extract or copy the xml and txt files into the resources folder?
Apologies if these questions seem obvious but I'd like to help out.
My game does not crash on it's own, unless it's cheat engine and some items, specifically ones that just don't exist.
I have winrar, and I went into the folder, selected the XML and TXT files, and dragged them into the resources folder.
I'd recommend moving everything currently in your resources folder *besides the folder named "packed"* to another backup folder on your computer, so you can keep your current game experience for later. Once that's done, drag and drop Every String Is Terrible's files into "resources" to see if the game will work with ESIT as the only mod.
If you feel like putting in more work, and the game works with ESIT as the only mod, then I'd start tracking down all the mods I used to use and reinstalling them. Once each new mod is installed, launch the game (and maybe play it a bit) to make sure that it's working. Once the game starts crashing, the last mod you installed is probably what's causing the problem.
Hope this helped you out :>